Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
