Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
