peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
