I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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