why didn't you poke me back
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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