I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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