Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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