Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
