Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
