Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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