I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
