I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
