oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize