Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
