Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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