Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
