Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
