Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
