he wants to bone in the snuggie
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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