We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
