Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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