My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
