You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
