My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
