hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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