There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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