I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
