Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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