You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
