thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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