So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
