Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
