I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
