Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
