My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
