Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk is not a location!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
