Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
