but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
