Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so let's talk penis.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
