hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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