Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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