:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
