Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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