Define "chronic" masturbator.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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