he puts the penis in happiness.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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