I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So. Much. Porn.
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