70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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