I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
