You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
