Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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