I am in a vortex of obligation.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
