Your tits are I can't wait for
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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