Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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