Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
