Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
