I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
