wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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