no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
