so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
