I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
