I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
