I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
