FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
