His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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