Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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