based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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