Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
