Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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