i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
