She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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