only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
