i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
