I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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