I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
