I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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