I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
