I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize