Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
