At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
